A year ago today I was in a hospital room in Santa Barbara, California. Suctioning blood from my mouth and nose, I had my morphine pump in hand. (My close pal for the next 20 hours.) I shudder at the thought of what I was about to go through. The months of not eating, losing 20 pounds, and overall weakness, both physical and mental.
I wish I could say Im so happy to be done with it. But there was something about knowing “this is going to get better for me” that Im not feeling today, and that I was feeling a year ago.
My jaw is a crunching machine whenever I chew. I dont go through the day without pain or a headache. I’ve gone back to taking Advil like it’s a job…..
Im right back where I started.
To update you: I have been prescribed a strong anti inflammatory that I will start taking sunday. I could start tonight but honestly, I want to have a glass of wine this weekend and mixing meds with alcohol is never a good idea. I’ve had to make an emergency doctors appointment with a “stranger” in my area who will do something to my bite, not sure what. I fear anyone unknown touching my jaw. As someone put it I had “my jaw taken out of my skull, sawed, and fastened back in.”
I am starting to lose hope that this is really the end of my journey. Who knows if I will have to get more surgery? The thought is simply shocking, I jus’t cant imagine what it would do to me….physically, mentally, and financially.
Along with my appointment, I got an email saying I would have to get impressions done that would cost me 200 dollars for the labor, shipping.
My first thought is “no, I cant afford anything more. I just spent more then five hundred dollars to go to New York City for an appointment that was cancelled.” But then I think to myself, what else am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to live every day in pain again? Waking up at night with excruciating aches?
It just doesn’t seem fair?
Thanks to everyone for all your support. Hugs.